View Full Version : Sleeping parrot for GD

07-10-2004, 05:48 PM
Sleeping Parrot for GD


07-10-2004, 05:56 PM
Poor parrot looks so uncomfortable!

07-10-2004, 06:36 PM
Looks a bit constipated if you ask me!! :D

07-10-2004, 07:28 PM

Miss Mally
07-10-2004, 07:34 PM
Looks a bit constipated if you ask me!! :D


07-10-2004, 09:18 PM
Roflol...then you give him the enema then dude!.....lol

07-10-2004, 10:27 PM
That picture reminds me of something....

Mr. Praline: I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.


Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!


Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

07-11-2004, 12:25 AM
That seems awful familiar...is that a Monty Python skit?....lol

07-11-2004, 08:09 AM
Yep...the "Dead Parrot" sketch. :)

07-11-2004, 11:01 AM
Doc, British comedy's the best, thanks!

07-11-2004, 11:10 AM
I concur!

Miss Mally
07-12-2004, 10:48 AM
rude parrot


rude parrot

This guy buys a parrot that is already about a year or two old. It can talk, but only knows curse words. He cusses all the time and when he is not cussing, he is rude. The guy tries to change the parrot's attitude. He plays soft music and talks very nice to the bird -- but the bird just gets worse.

The guy gets desperate and he yells at the bird -- the bird gets even worse and begins cussing at him. The guy grabbs the bird and starts shaking him. So the bird starts cussing more and biting. Out of total desperation the guy grabs his freezer door and throws the parrot in the freezer.

He can hear the parrot in there flailing about and cussing up a storm. All of a sudden it becomes dead quiet.

The guy thinks, "Oh my gosh, I've killed him!" He opens the freezer door and the bird steps out onto the guy's arm.

The bird says, "I am sorry if I have caused you desperation in the past, but I will try to change my disposition in the future and only speak kindly to you." The guy is absolutely dumbfound! He is about to ask the bird what caused his change of heart when the bird says: "May I ask what the chicken did?"