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Thread: Church Bulletin Blunders

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    2,336

    Church Bulletin Blunders

    Love those Church Ladies..They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


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    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    --------------------------
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'.
    Until next time, this is "Crash" signing off!


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    213

    Re: Church Bulletin Blunders

    Oh so funny I am laughing so hard i am crying.

  3. #3

    Re: Church Bulletin Blunders

    lol oh definitely needed that laugh. those are too funny.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    2,019

    Re: Church Bulletin Blunders

    AlwaysRadio - Bringing me a spate of mirth to help break up a week of dark, gloomy rainy days. Yesterday and today both gave us windy, wet, dark highs of 51 degrees at our place here in Georgia. Yet Friday a week ago was a humid, steamy 88 degrees (we were standing out in the heat in our dark suits at graveside for a funeral). We have a freeze warning for tonight (Sunday evening). And this is SOUTH of Atlanta.

    Where is the grinch who stole fall?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    2,019

    Re: Church Bulletin Blunders

    Showed these funny things to my wife tonight, and we copied them into a data set where our friends can reference them. We also made lots of copies to take to Christian City Retirement Home, where those folks will really get a kick out of these really funny 'mal-wordings.' I also plan to send copies to my cousins, who are Methodist ministers. They love things like this. We made sure 'Eastland Spin!' appears in large print on every copy.

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